What I've Learned About Love For Sure and Him...

Today one of my students asked me for advice on how to get over his ex-girlfriend and by the end of our conversation he, with tears in his eyes said to me, "thank you for being like an older sister to me, whenever I have felt loss or needed advice your name comes to mind and I appreciate everything you have helped me go through." I of course got all weepy (yes I'm a sap) and responded with, "well I'm glad my many years of bad dating and life choices are serving someone!!" lol...no but really, I really am glad I am saving a whole village of teenagers from a lot of love angst (not exaggerating at all). 

Looking back at the relationships through the course of these last 12 years (my first bf was at 16) I am so thankful for all of the lessons that I have learned about what kind of love I want in my life. Even though some of those courtships ended in shambles and some where peaceful and gracious good-byes, I'm so thankful for all of those moments and memories because now finally I can see what this love thing is all about.

               We accept the love we think we deserve - The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Self Love. Mindy Kaling in an interview once stated that the most sage advice her late mother had ever given her was that you have to be your own best friend. If you remember that you will always have someone there with you. Even though I always felt like I had the I totally think I'm the bomb.com thing down I realized that wasn't always the case. This past year has focused around nourishing every element of myself. Allowing myself to be me at all times and have the best relationship with myself. It has felt so soul fulfilling. I always feel like I am able to walk into a room and feel like, yes this is me, I love it! You do too? Awesome. Oh you don't, ha you're missing out! So now every person I've welcomed into my life this last year has only stayed because I have made the conscious decision that if they add on to all of the love I have going on already.

Be Selfish. Realizing that I deserve what I want out of a partner and not settling for anything less was so freeing. Many times I'd constantly accommodate for my partner's desires, needs, and became what my friends and I called "Mush Elvia." So yes it's okay to be selfish, it's okay to know what you need from a partner and not let go of those things. 

Easy. It should be easy, yes zero (or close to zero) complications or anxiety or stress. If something is meant to be it should feel and be easy. I adopted this mantra when I started dating again last winter and it made dating in NY so much fun! Yes dating in NY was fun! Going on dates and putting no pressure on a situation and seeing if it fit or not. If there was chemistry fab if not then I moved on. Easy peazy!

And this is what these last almost five months have felt like with Brian, easy. When we went on our first date, I only scheduled to spend two hours at this lovely wine bar in Williamsburg with him and our date ended up lasting over five hours. Everything about our courtship has felt so effortless. I have never felt so much ease, added joy, profound compassion and love from a partner. It has been so easy to just be my cat loving-taylor swift obsessed-teacher nerd-cuddle lover-etc self with him. This has felt like a wonderful partnership where we both are on the same plane emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Yes he's Catholic! Very exciting! And it has been so profound to be able to share our faith together, go to mass together, pray together, etc. I mean my faith has always been such an important element of my life but being with someone who is right there with me spiritually has been such a nice welcoming change. It also has been so wonderful the circle of love that we have surrounding us, sometimes I think my family and friends love him more than they love me (might be true, I need to do more re-con work!) 

The other day one of my close friends whom is Greek told me that her mom told her that we have "teriazete" Which means that just from seeing us together and how we are with one another we just fit and that this match will last. Well, even though I don't have a magic eight ball and can see into the future, I know that whatever journey our relationship will be, short or ever lasting, I am so thankful to have this love in my life and have held so closely to my heart our experiences together. Us coming together has    felt almost as if I'd been calling out in the night for a wild animal on the prowl. When this journey many times felt impossible and even silly, but then you hear the thunder of hooves, and some beautiful beast come rushing into the glade, searching for you just as urgently as you have been searching for it and it just felt like, oh there you are...I've been searching for you forever.

It's okay.

This whole week was one of my hardest ones yet this year. It has been really rainy and hot out. I've spent the whole week working tirelessly and felt like I had no real breaks. I love my school and my students but the amount of work I had to do before, during, and after school was so overwhelming this week.  I was done for the day on Friday and I felt I was done for the year. Gosh when is summer break starting again? I went for my ritual walk alone after school on Friday and felt refreshed but have been feeling very anxious this entire weekend.

This afternoon I got a call from a dear friend and she immediately noticed it my voice. What's wrong, why are you sad? I told her I was just so exhausted and wanted to nap. She knows I struggle with anxiety and told me something so comforting that I rarely hear. It's okay. You can cry and it's going to be better.  I cried even harder (which may have confused her) and thanked her for saying what she said. It was just so sweet and tender and it helped put everything in perspective. It helped me feel a little bit better.

Today I felt very alone all day. I rarely ever feel like anyone has the slightest idea of what it means to live day in and day out with anxiety. Today I felt like I just wanted to be alone for the rest of my life so no suffers or has to deal with my disorder. It would be better for everyone right? Wrong. I feel now that it is going to be ok. I have made many strides this year managing and dealing with living with this disorder and it will all be okay and those who want to see my strides as I continue to move forward in my life will be here and those that won't will miss out on a lot of beautiful things.

So remember in those moments where you are worn out physically and mentally in the day but the day is hours away from over and you aren’t sure you’ll make it to dinner time…. in those moments where you might feel alone or anxious or overwhelmed with this big job of being a good sister, daughter, friend, partner, person, teacher, etc, where you sometimes don’t have any idea what you are doing yet you are trying your best…in those moments where others straight to your face tell you you aren’t doing it well enough, or tell you to just get over being anxious, and criticize your choices without thinking twice about what they are saying as they turn away…  just know that you are doing a wonderful job. You are doing your best and your best is good enough. 

What matters is that after you researched all your options, you have decided what is best for you and the people you love dearly, and that you are doing your best. And the people who really love you will always love you back (….most days!). What matters is that you are making the most out of your life and enjoying it as best you can.

It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to have bad days, too. And it’s ok if the way you’re choosing to do it isn’t the way another would.  I’d like to think I have pretty thick skin (putting anything out here on this thing called the internet has sure toughened it a bit)  but  thick skin or not, we are all human and there are days where it is difficult to put on a tough face and carry on.  But not all of us are judgy and critical so don’t let ‘those people’ get you down and no one has this thing figured out perfectly; we are all in this together.

It is ok. 

"The Things You Learn About Yourself While Traveling..."

The new school year is about to start and I've been knee deep in preparation for it. A question I got today, and one I've been consistently getting since I've been back from my summer siesta, is "how did your travels go and what did you enjoy most about them." Well to be quite honest, my travels went okay this summer. However I think what I enjoyed most from this summer and what I continually enjoy every time I travel is learning about myself. 

Years ago when I first saw the movie The Nanny Diaries (yes I know what you're thinking, give me a second here...) I heard this great line, "you must immerse yourself in an unfamiliar world in order to truly understand your own" and I really think that traveling has helped me do this in so many ways. Spending about a month in Los Angeles taught me a lot about myself, for one that my love affair with living in a big city needs to end soon. Gasp, yes I know I proclaim my love for NYC, all the time and trust me I do love this place however the constant noise, commotion, barriers it puts on my daily life (grocery shopping, laundry, traffic, etc.) is getting tiresome. So being in LA really magnified all of that. Also driving everywhere in Los Angeles really made me hate driving! Towards the end of my stay in LA I would beg friends to pick me up or only make plans very locally so I wouldn't have to drive; and dear god the anxiety that driving in so much traffic for hours was not fun. at. all. Being in such a big city just made me crave simplicity and nature.

So as I was having this discussion with a colleague at my new school (which I L-O-V-E), he shared with me some things he learned about himself while traveling through Portland and SF,  I thought to myself gosh this is what education is all about, being able to adopt things you learn and make your life better. 

Well I wanted to round up some of the things I've learned and things I've about myself on some of my travels very quickly, and they are:

* Paris: Spend more time outside, I love creme brulee, talk with strangers, flaneur, love openly. 

* Rome: I need to know more about Italian/world history, guys and girls can be friends, I love gelato, I am fearless, everything can become new again, be open to love again. 

* San Francisco: The Castro must only be enjoyed with friends, don't be so judgmental, I love gardens, I hate dive bars. 

* St. Paul, Minnesota: I love Minnesotans, I love Minnesotan's accents, canoeing= soul soother=anxiety curber (that's not really a word I know)= heaven, I must live closer to nature.

*London: Learn to let go, embrace being a newbie, I love British fashion x10, I love fish n' chips, always have the courage to stand up for myself - always, things are better shared. 

*Mexico: Be nicer, note to self staying with grandma equals major anxiety, I need to learn more about my culture, I love french fries with sour cream, I love 6a.m. mornings with my grandpa, try to be more understanding, be silly. 

+ some pictures from my travels over the years...

Nope, no I don't like escargot. 

I want to live in the Versailles gardens, forget the mansion, I'll take the clubhouse! 

We can all take selfies together!

Singing Spice Girl's "2 Become 1" on the train is totalllly okay. 

This didn't hurt at all. 

My gals. 

Mexico has great grass to lay on. 

"Ohhh take a picture of me with the flowers!" I want to come back as a butterfly in my next life or a bee, a bee would be cool. 

Cielo.

I love family gatherings because my cousins and I do things like this. 

Just too funny (read the title of the book)

I hate carrots. 

Thank you lovely CA man for helping me down the pyramid as I sobbed, there are some good people out there, good people I tell you #FearOfHeights

My cousins and I at the top of the pyramid!

Yes, yes I feel the same way David. 

I mean what else do people do on a trip to the Roman baths...ohhh look at the Roman baths?!

Aimee!!!!!! 

New Beginnings and New Blog Title

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Wow it's been over a month since I've posted on here but better late than never! As you can see I've changed things up on the blog and I feel like it's more seamless and simple. Lately my focus has been about simplifying my life as well as celebrating those simple things. Which brings me to the blog title name change (You, Me, & Penelope), I want this little blog to document the things I love: You- my experiences with fabulous friends and loved ones, Me- my love for travel, food, design, DIY projects, home decor, and city living, and Penelope- my kitten who is one of the best things that has happened to me. (Now I totally get it Taylor.)

Anyway I hope everyone's summer went well and I look forward to getting back in the swing of things on here. Thank you for stopping by, love having you here!

Capturing Memories

So lately I've had a strong urge to start filming memories again. My family and friends (3 are engaged and 2 are having another baby!) are in a big period of change. So I really want to capture these memories before they fade away.

The constant desire and joy I get from photography, film, and music came from my Papa as growing up he always had a camera in hand. In my parent's home we have boxes full of home movies and some of my most treasured memories now are of going home and re-watching these memories together. 

Fortunately when I moved to the east coast from California one of my best friend's Greg gifted me this flip camera, I remember very clearly the note he wrote along with it: "You're going to see and do many amazing things in this new chapter of your life and I want you to capture them." Tear. Well for the first 2 years I did, I carried my flip cam everywhere and started making imovies and posted them to my Facebook so all of my family and friends back home could see what I'd been up to. My parents would get so excited to watch them and I equally found a lot of joy putting them together. All this footage that I had recorded was great because whenever I felt homesick I'd watch videos that I had recorded on my laptop and it gave me a lot of comfort and happiness.

After leaving my videotaping ways on the back burner, I'm going to start using this little guy again and begin filming again. Videotaping home movies has always reminded me of the things that matter and it's also nice to see how much things have changed over time. So here I go...

P.s. This year for my birthday, I told my family and friends that I wanted to film a music video. Umm can you imagine how excited I am for this? I'm currently working on the treatment (i.e. storyboard). It's going to be very a-la "22."

P.P.S. When I told my brother that he had to be in the music video he replies "umm we're not the Kardashians..." LOL.

Also...

*One of the imovies I made 3 summers back.

* DESIGN LOVE FEST talks about starting to record home movies with her boyfriend. Very cute indeed.

*This dad video taped his kids coming down the stairs on Christmas morning for 25 years.

* Marriage proposal to Bruno Mars' "Marry You" = best idea ever.

*imovie app and the best video cameras.

How do you capture memories?

Morning Glory Banana Chocolate Pankcakes!

This weekend was just so lovely, between being extremely sick two weeks ago and my cousin visiting the week after that, I was really craving some me time. So the weekend was full of: a lot of reading, snow fall, cleaning (yes very Monica Geller of me but I do love cleaning), a bubble bath, catching up on episodes of The Mindy Project, and having a cooking extravaganza! It couldn't have been more lovely and the pancakes couldn't have been more savory. Here's the recipe below.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup fresh, fine, or medium grind yellow cornmeal
1/2 cup of (gluten free) flour
2 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder
1/8 teaspoon of sea salt
7 tablespoons almond milk or other nondairy milk
2 tablespoons agave syrup
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
1/4 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup diced banana
1/4 cup chopped nuts
1/4 cup chopped apples
1/2 cup of chopped chocolate
powdered sugar (as desired) for serving

1. Sift the flour with a colander, I normally don't do this but I stopped being lazy about it and it definitely makes a difference in how easy the ingredients mix together.

2. Cut up the chocolate bars into small little squares.

3. Whisk all of the dry ingredients together.

4. Whisk all of the wet ingredients together.

5. After you mix ALL of the ingredients together, pour 1/4 cup of the batter on the griddle. Cook on each side for about 2 minutes. When bubbles form on the top, the edges will set. Then slip a thin spatula to flip. Lastly, top with bananas, apples, and powdered sugar as desired. Enjoy!

 *Ideas for creating "me time" into your busy schedule!
*Ideas for how to prioritize yourself 
*Recipe from Crazy Sexy Kitchen by Kriss Carr