Friend Dating

My best friend / soul mate / brother from another mother, the fabulous Richard! Whom I met 11 years ago at a volunteering organization.

 The other day one of my best friends and I  had a conversation that went a little like this: Okay I'm going to ask her on a friend date. A friend date? Ya, you know casual drinks that don't linger too long but enough time to see if we click. Oh right good luck!

Having moved around the country quite a bit in the last 5 years I've had to master, get decent at, the art of making friends as a young professional. Let me be the first to say that it isn't always easy and sometimes it takes a lot of time and patience. Relationships need time to develop and sometimes when I see I click with someone I just want us to lock arms, run into a daisy field, and gab about The Real Housewives of Orange County for hours but apparently according to my friends that's coming on too strong...say whaaa?!

Malisa, one of my best buddies, whom I met at a social gathering through my friend Richard.

All kidding aside, making friends as an adult has it challenges especially when everyone post college is working on getting their careers off the ground so I've compiled some advice that I'd like to share that has helped me so far in my own friend making adventures.

1. Think About Yourself - Take some time to think about what you enjoy doing and create a list of said things.

Alyssa and I, whom I met at a Meet Up Event.

2. Join a Group - The great thing about technology these days is that it does allow us to be more connected. So start to do some research of all of the activities you listed above. Trust me there are so many groups, clubs, organizations for every interest and hobby. Some great resources are MeetUp.com (where I met my great friend Alyssa!), Blend About, and Supper Clubs.

3. Start With a Compliment - Everyone likes compliments, so if you see someone reading the same book as you go up to them and tell them how much you love that book as well or if they have on some fab coat, compliment their style and boom you've started a conversation with someone who you have at least 1 thing in common with. Living in NY has been really conducive to constantly running into people so if you're not constantly around people (i.e. riding the subway) then go out to a coffee shop, book store, park. Just get out there and start talking!

4. Make the First Move - Now that you've struck up a conversation, don't let the opportunity pass so ask for that person's number or email. Listen this part can be awkward but just be honest. What I like to say, and what has worked well for me in the past is, hey I really enjoyed talking/hanging out and I'd like to get to know you better want to go out for coffee? If you're up front with our intentions (just like in a relationship) then people usually respond better.

5. Nurture Your Friendship -Take time to make plans, and follow up plans. Also when you're out don't be on your phone! Nothing screams out, I'm not fully interested than not being present in the moment.

6. Que sera, sera - I've learned that letting things organically develop is best. Don't text the person 5 times a day. This is probably the hardest part because of course you've invested into this relationship but if it's meant to be it'll work out, trust me. Plus you want to be friends with someone who genuinely wants to be friends with you as well so let the duds fall to the wayside. I had to learn this pretty quickly especially after a "friend" I made in one of my Italian language classes seemed to reciprocate the interest, we started going to yoga together, get ice cream, practicing our Italian, and then poof she disappeared. Ugh bitch. But you know life should only filled with the people who want to be there so that's that.

Giorgio, whom I met last summer while I was living in Rome at a yoga class.

I hope all this info I've learned about making friends as an adult helps. Remember to enjoy the process and if it's stressing you out then just take a break and make sure you're taking care of yourself 'cuz hey people always come into your life when you're least expecting it. :)

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*17 Tips for Making Friends as an Adult

*Friend Dating

*A very honest piece in the NY Times about making friends

*A great movie on friend dating: I   Love You, Man
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Todd, whom I met a gathering for a lgbtq group.

My dearest Ingrid, whom I met volunteering at church.